


go the fuck to sleep or I'll revoke your tea party privileges

by Saiharas_Emo_Hat



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, One-Sided Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, One-Sided Hubert von Vestra/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Twin Byleths
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:55:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23835742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saiharas_Emo_Hat/pseuds/Saiharas_Emo_Hat
Summary: theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher: Everyone, calm down. What would the professor think if she saw you all acting so unruly?Fruit Ninja DX: shut the fuck up simp[theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher has left the chat.]
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Caspar von Bergliez/Linhardt von Hevring, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Hubert von Vestra, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Mercedes von Martritz, Yuris Leclair | Yuri Leclerc/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	go the fuck to sleep or I'll revoke your tea party privileges

**Author's Note:**

> \---Golden Deer---  
> Oh? You're approaching me?: Claude  
> I can't be your best friend without coming any closer: Hilda  
> Heyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash and I just wanted to let you know I agree. Although I myself am a man, (I know, ugh) I am on your side. "One of the good ones" as some may say. Btw I never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now but they're awesome: Lorenz  
> horse girl: Marianne  
> beefcake: Raphael  
> I'm 14 and this is deep: Lysithea  
> captain jeralt notice me UwU: Leonie  
> commission me on ko-fi: Ignatz
> 
> \---Blue Lions---  
> theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher: Dimitri  
> Dedue Sandstorm: Dedue  
> 🤡studhorse🤡: Sylvain  
> I care you: Mercedes  
> Gilbert stop ignoring me challenge: Annette  
> Fruit Ninja DX: Felix  
> im babey: Ashe  
> HANGRY: Ingrid
> 
> \---Black Eagles---  
> Bring the Beat In: Edelgard  
> ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCE: Hubert  
> I am far superior to Edelgard in this essay I will: Ferdinand  
> yes i'm gay yes i'm homophobic we exist: Linhardt  
> that's not what you said at our tea party bro :(: Caspar  
> FODLAN EXPLAIN, I AM CONFUSION: Petra  
> Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage: Bernadetta  
> IF HE BREATHES, HE'S A SIMP: Dorothea
> 
> \---Ashen Wolves---  
> Lord of the Rats: Yuri  
> siiiiiiiiigh: Hapi  
> 🤩KING OF GRAPPLING🤩: Balthus  
> midnight rider: Constance
> 
> \---Staff---  
> I'm dad's favorite: M!Byleth  
> I'm the better twin: F!Byleth

_**[Blue Lions Chat, 1:45 PM]** _

_[ **🤡studhorse🤡** added 7 people to the chat.]_

**🤡studhorse🤡:** welcome everyone, ladies especially, to the new and improved Blue Lions group chat!

**Fruit Ninja DX:** what the hell is this? i want out.

**I care you:** felix, don't be like that! this could be a chance for us all to grow as friends!

**theprofessr** **is soft nd ilikeher:** i agree. however, were the names necessary? now we can barely tell who anyone is.

**🤡studhorse🤡:** come on, your highness! this is wayy more fun than just having our normal names!

**Dedue Sandstorm:**

**HANGRY:** you're probably only complaining because it exposes you, dimitri.

**theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher:** exposes me? what do you mean, Ingrid(?)

**🤡studhorse🤡:** everyone knows you have the hots for the professor lmao

**theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher:** i

_[ **theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher** is offline.]_

**Dedue Sandstorm:** Your Highness...

_[ **Dedue Sandstorm** is offline.]_

**im babey:** well that was... something

**Gilbert stop ignoring me challenge:** do you think he'll be okay after that? it was... brutal

**Fruit Ninja DX:** that damned boar will get over it. he always does.

_**[Black Eagles Chat, 2:00 PM]** _

_[ **Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage** added 7 people to the chat.]  
_

**IF HE BREATHES, HE'S A SIMP:** oh? a group chat? how social of you, bernie 👀

**Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage:** well,,, this is better than leaving my dorm to talk to everyone,,,

**I am far superior to Edelgard in this essay I will:** it's progress, bernadetta! as a fellow noble, i'm proud of you!

**ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCE:** the camaraderie here is almost sickening.

**Bring The Beat In:** Come now, Hubert. If we aren't going to get along, how will we fare in combat together?

**Thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage:** but,,, i made this group so i wouldn't have to leave my dorm at all,,, do i still have to do the monthly assignments?!

**IF HE BREATHES, HE'S A SIMP:** yes, bernie

**Bring The Beat In:** Of course.

**ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCE:** what a foolish question.

**I am far superior to Edelgard in this essay I will:** of course you do, bernadetta. it is your duty as a noble and as a member of the esteemed Black Eagles Class, or my name isn't

**IF HE BREATHES, HE'S A SIMP:** ferdinand von aegir. yes, we know, ferdie

**FODLAN EXPLAIN, I AM CONFUSION:** what are... is the purpose of this... "group chat"? so that we all can be conversing? but not with our voices?

**yes i'm gay yes i'm homophobic we exist:** that's right, petra

**yes i'm gay yes i'm homophobic we exist:** this chat interrupted my nap, however. goodnight.

_[ **yes i'm gay yes i'm homophobic** **we exist** is offline.]_

**that's not what you said at our tea party though** :(: sorry, guys! heart is prolly gonna be inactive for a while, you know how he gets when he gets woken up :/

**Bring The Beat In:** ...'heart'?

**that's not what you said at our tea party though :(:** y'know... like.... linHARDT.... HEART...

**FODLAN EXPLAIN, I AM CONFUSION:** i am not... comprehending

**FODLAN EXPLAIN, I AM CONFUSION:** "hardt" and "heart" are having different spelling and meaning

**FODLAN EXPLAIN, I AM CONFUSION:** why is one replacing the other?

_**[Golden Deer Chat, 2:15 PM]** _

_[_ **_Oh? You're approaching me?_ ** _added 7 people to the chat.]  
_

**I can't be your best friend without coming any closer:** group chat? group chat.

**Oh? You're approaching me?:** hotel? trivago.

**Heyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash and I just wanted to let you know I agree. Although I myself am a man, (I know, ugh) I am on your side. "One of the good ones" as some may say. Btw I never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now but they're** **awesome** : Claude, what is this atrocious name? It does not suit me, Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, in any way.

**Oh? You're approaching me?:** i'd say it suits you pretty well, lorenz

**I'm 14 and this is deep:** indeed. it shows your true nature.

**Heyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash and I just wanted to let you know I agree. Although I myself am a man, (I know, ugh) I am on your side. "One of the good ones" as some may say. Btw I never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now but they're** **awesome** : My true nature? Well, I never. Lysithea, how dare you speak to me in such a way. Claude, I implore you to fix this name at once.

**Oh? You're approaching me?:** nah, i'm good

**commission me on ko-fi:** what did i just open my phone to

**I can't be your best friend without coming any closer:** poor ignatz,,, doesn't even know what he signed up for when he joined the academy,,,,

**horse** **girl:** um,,, why did you add me,,,? I'll only be a bother,,,,,

**captain jeralt notice me UwU:** not at all, marianne! we love having you here 💗

**captain jeralt notice me UwU:** wait a minute

**captain jeralt notice me UwU:** my name. change it. now.

**Oh? You're approaching me?:** but why? your names all fit you to a T

**beefcake:** yeah, i'm fine with mine, leonie

**beefcake:** what's wrong with yours?

**captian jeralt notice me UwU:** because! it paints captain jeralt in a negative light!

**I'm 14 and this is deep:** but it's not directed at him, it's directed at you

**captain jeralt notice me UwU:** but it still makes captain jeralt look bad!

**Heyy queen I saw your tweet about how men are trash and I just wanted to let you know I agree. Although I myself am a man, (I know, ugh) I am on your side. "One of the good ones" as some may say. Btw I never even noticed how fat your boobies are till now but they're** **awesome** : See, Claude? I'm not the only one unsatisfied with my name. Fix them immediately.

**Oh? You're approaching me?:** whoops, looks like teach needs me for something

**Oh? You're approaching me?:** gotta blast

_[ **Oh? You're approaching me?** is offline.]_

**_[Officer's Academy Chat, 2:30 PM]_ **

_[ **I'm dad's favorite** added 22 people.]  
_

**I'm dad's favorite:** Hello, everyone. I created this group chat so that, across all classes, you would have an easier time contacting my sister and I outside of class. Please only use it when absolutely necessary.

**I'm the better twin:** Please keep the messaging here to a minimum, I don't want my phone blowing up.

**theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher:** of course, professor.

**theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher:** oh

**theprofessr is soft nd ilikeher:** _oh no_

**I'm the better twin:** Dimitri, please keep messages brief and to the point. If you have something to say, please keep it in one message.

**🤡studhorse🤡:** _**EXPOSED**_

**I'm dad's favorite:** Sylvain, was that message _necessary?_

**🤡studhorse🤡:** no, professor, it wasn't. will you forgive me if i take your sister for a nice, relaxing cup of tea?

**I'm dad's favorite:** Absolutely not. You still need to work on your faith studies if you ever want to become a Holy Knight.

**Bring The Beat In:** Everyone, we need to respect the professors' rules. Only message here if it's something urgent or necessary. For example, something regarding this month's mission, or attendance.

**I'm the better twin:** Thank you, Edelgard. I appreciate your valiant effort, but with this group, I'm not sure if it was effective.

**I'm dad's favorite:** No, certainly not. I hope you all will leave this conversation here, and only use this for messages regarding your education.

**Oh? You're approaching me?:** you got it, teach!

_**[Ashen Wolves Group Chat, 2:45 PM]** _

_[ **I'm the better twin** added 4 people to the chat.]_

**🤩KING OF GRAPPLING🤩:** all riiight, a group chat? THIS is what i'm talking about, pal!

**Lord of the** **Rats:** what's this all about, friend? we're not even really students here, you don't need to get all buddy-buddy with us like with those spoiled nobles of yours.

**I'm the better twin:** As long as you are attending our lectures, you four are my students. My brother might not travel to Abyss as much, but he appreciates your attendance just as much as I do.

**siiiiiiiigh** : that was awful sweet of ya, chatterbox. really makes me wonder why ur still working for the church.

**I'm the better twin:** It's far too late to back out now, my students need my brother and me. I can't abandon them because of the church, even though they have clearly mistreated Abyss and its residents.

**midnight rider** : What an astounding response, Professor! I would gladly devote myself to such a noble cause, if I were not so busy bringing House Nuvelle back into the limelight!

**🤩KING OF GRAPPLING🤩:** anyway, im just here to show off my grappling skills

**🤩KING OF GRAPPLING🤩:** the ladies still love the king of grappling, after all!

**Lord of the Rats:** well then, i'm sure this won't do much harm. just as long as i can keep working with my people.

**I'm the better twin:** Of course, Yuri. I wouldn't dare to separate you from your gang.

**Lord of the Rats:** that's probably in your best interest, friend.

**siiiiiiiigh** : oooh, thats scary, yuribird.

**I'm the better** **twin:** Not too scary, Hapi, since I never planned on forcing him to abandon his people.

**I'm the better twin:** Ah, it seems I'm needed for work. Feel free to use this group chat as you please, within reason.

_[ **I'm the better twin** is offline.]_


End file.
